Not mine, but yours
Some of you may know that I can be fairly goal oriented. There's been a personal goal of mine for the past few years to take on something that is much bigger than I could imagine that would also serve as a reminder for how far God has taken me in regaining a healthy lifestyle.
For most of my life, I have struggled with extreme obesity. There were many days, due to health reasons, that it was more painful to be awake than it was to be asleep. This was partly due to complications associated with obstructive sleep apnea, but also I used it as a coping mechanism for the dark emotions I didn't know how to handle or deal with. Since 2008, I have been on an intentional journey to begin and maintain a healthy lifestyle. As time goes by, each decision I make with regard to food and how I handle my emotions is an affirmation of the decision I make towards a better life. There are days where I struggle and give in to old habits. But for the most part, and only through God’s provision, I have been successful.
So after a late night chat on Facebook in January, I decided to take on the goal of completing a 470 mile bike tour called RAGBRAI, acronym for the Register's Annual Great Bicycle Ride Across Iowa. Yes sir, six days of cycling with 10,000 of my closest cycling friends I've never met and camping out each night in the best time of the year, JULY!! I know... I should probably go seek counseling.
Before starting this journey, I knew nothing about cycling. I didn't even own a bike. But my heart was set. I wanted this to be my goal. I started out in January by going to the gym each day. Even though I had picked up a sport earlier on in 2009, for various reasons, I stopped rowing in 2011. I went through something fairly painful and it sapped my will to try and also the confidence I had for trying, pretty much anything. So I essentially started at ground zero.
So after a bit of research and posting to a few websites, I was able to find two retired men who were willing to take this journey with me. But first, I had to learn what it really meant to ride a bike. So on February 29th, I took my first ride on a tandem. Seven miles later, I was begging to go back home! I thought I had been hazed. No one told me that sitting on a bike would be extremely uncomfortable.
But after a pep talk, some tears, and some embarrassment from having Facebook proof that I publically proclaimed RAGBRAI as my goal, I sucked it up and started again. Now that it is May, I am happy to say that RAGBRAI seems to be in reach. But as I have gotten closer and the progress I’ve made is even more noticeable, a few things have happened to make me wonder whether this goal has become an idol and something that I have put above more righteous things.
I have known for some time that I have irregular heartbeats. For the most part, I have been able to ignore them. But lately, it's been more bothersome. I am blessed to have access to great medical care and was able to go see my cardiologist who I met a few years back. After some testing, an ultrasound, some medication, and a stern talking to about not seeing him in four years, he has given me the go ahead to continue training. But until the final results of some further testing are in, there still lingers the possibility that RAGBRAI will not be obtainable.
So how does this apply to my spiritual growth in knowing God? Did God ask me to go ride a bike? Probably not. But he has asked me to put Him above all else and glorify Him in all that I do. (Proverbs 16:3, NIV) But here’s what I do know.
Since beginning this journey, I have had the opportunity to see so many aspects of God in the experiences I’ve had. For instance, on each of the rides, I am continually amazed at God’s creation in action. I’m able to see the vibrant colors of the sunset as we ride along the government farms in Beltsville. I’ve been able to hear a horse gallop freely as we rode along stables in Southern Maryland. And can feel the fresh breeze as I have stood at the top of a high mountain ridge in Eastern Pennsylvania. I have also come to the realization that while God has blessed me with a beautiful community of believers, that experiencing life with those who have not found Christ, is an even greater challenge. Just as the parable states, who puts a lamp under a blanket? I must learn to actively use opportunities to share with non-believers the light that shines in my heart and soul is something that is beautiful, eternal, and offers a hope for something much sweeter than we can ever imagine.
But as the title states, I have come to the realization that the goals I have set for myself must be God’s will and not of my own. As in Proverbs 16:9, in my heart, God allows us to have dreams that resides and can grow within our hearts, but God is the one who directs each of our steps. So as I face the possibility of losing RAGBRAI as a goal, I have to know that while I can recognize the sadness that comes from a change in what I thought was good, God knows what’s best for me. So I have to willingly recognize Him in each thing that happens and that his knowledge of what’s ahead is perfect.
So the lesson is…
For most of my life, I have struggled with extreme obesity. There were many days, due to health reasons, that it was more painful to be awake than it was to be asleep. This was partly due to complications associated with obstructive sleep apnea, but also I used it as a coping mechanism for the dark emotions I didn't know how to handle or deal with. Since 2008, I have been on an intentional journey to begin and maintain a healthy lifestyle. As time goes by, each decision I make with regard to food and how I handle my emotions is an affirmation of the decision I make towards a better life. There are days where I struggle and give in to old habits. But for the most part, and only through God’s provision, I have been successful.
So after a late night chat on Facebook in January, I decided to take on the goal of completing a 470 mile bike tour called RAGBRAI, acronym for the Register's Annual Great Bicycle Ride Across Iowa. Yes sir, six days of cycling with 10,000 of my closest cycling friends I've never met and camping out each night in the best time of the year, JULY!! I know... I should probably go seek counseling.
Before starting this journey, I knew nothing about cycling. I didn't even own a bike. But my heart was set. I wanted this to be my goal. I started out in January by going to the gym each day. Even though I had picked up a sport earlier on in 2009, for various reasons, I stopped rowing in 2011. I went through something fairly painful and it sapped my will to try and also the confidence I had for trying, pretty much anything. So I essentially started at ground zero.
So after a bit of research and posting to a few websites, I was able to find two retired men who were willing to take this journey with me. But first, I had to learn what it really meant to ride a bike. So on February 29th, I took my first ride on a tandem. Seven miles later, I was begging to go back home! I thought I had been hazed. No one told me that sitting on a bike would be extremely uncomfortable.
But after a pep talk, some tears, and some embarrassment from having Facebook proof that I publically proclaimed RAGBRAI as my goal, I sucked it up and started again. Now that it is May, I am happy to say that RAGBRAI seems to be in reach. But as I have gotten closer and the progress I’ve made is even more noticeable, a few things have happened to make me wonder whether this goal has become an idol and something that I have put above more righteous things.
I have known for some time that I have irregular heartbeats. For the most part, I have been able to ignore them. But lately, it's been more bothersome. I am blessed to have access to great medical care and was able to go see my cardiologist who I met a few years back. After some testing, an ultrasound, some medication, and a stern talking to about not seeing him in four years, he has given me the go ahead to continue training. But until the final results of some further testing are in, there still lingers the possibility that RAGBRAI will not be obtainable.
So how does this apply to my spiritual growth in knowing God? Did God ask me to go ride a bike? Probably not. But he has asked me to put Him above all else and glorify Him in all that I do. (Proverbs 16:3, NIV) But here’s what I do know.
Since beginning this journey, I have had the opportunity to see so many aspects of God in the experiences I’ve had. For instance, on each of the rides, I am continually amazed at God’s creation in action. I’m able to see the vibrant colors of the sunset as we ride along the government farms in Beltsville. I’ve been able to hear a horse gallop freely as we rode along stables in Southern Maryland. And can feel the fresh breeze as I have stood at the top of a high mountain ridge in Eastern Pennsylvania. I have also come to the realization that while God has blessed me with a beautiful community of believers, that experiencing life with those who have not found Christ, is an even greater challenge. Just as the parable states, who puts a lamp under a blanket? I must learn to actively use opportunities to share with non-believers the light that shines in my heart and soul is something that is beautiful, eternal, and offers a hope for something much sweeter than we can ever imagine.
But as the title states, I have come to the realization that the goals I have set for myself must be God’s will and not of my own. As in Proverbs 16:9, in my heart, God allows us to have dreams that resides and can grow within our hearts, but God is the one who directs each of our steps. So as I face the possibility of losing RAGBRAI as a goal, I have to know that while I can recognize the sadness that comes from a change in what I thought was good, God knows what’s best for me. So I have to willingly recognize Him in each thing that happens and that his knowledge of what’s ahead is perfect.
So the lesson is…
1. Don’t sign up for 450 mile bike rides on Facebook.
2. Get comfy bike shorts if you’re going to ride more than 7 miles.
3. Enjoy the journey towards a destination, but…
4. Remember that God’s destination for each of us is even sweeter than anything we can imagine on our own.
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