Responding to a Need

So it’s been a while.  Quite a while actually.  So with three loads of laundry done and put away in its proper place, the dishes washed, lunch packed, a snoring yellow lab snuggled against my feet, and a playlist filled with acoustic guitar and melodious piano creations; I dare to put my thoughts into words.  Ok, my high school AP English teacher would be horrified by the last sentence.  Let’s just say, I’m a little rusty.

Mentioning the mellow yellow, much has happened since I wrote last.  I am now entering into the phase of the guide dog journey that is the most difficult; preparing to say “goodbye” and “well done.”  He responds a little slower to the “come” command, thinks twice before going on walks with me, and there’s greater effort behind each breath he takes.  But somehow these times are sweet as well.  I have adjusted my life to accommodate the life we now share.  He fearlessly guided me through the crazy terrain of skateboarders and never-ending construction at my university, graduated with me, endured countless job interviews, accompanied me on my first day on the job, unabashedly slept through classes with me in graduate school, and served as chaperone on a few dates here and there.  So as these years wind down to months, months dwindle to weeks, and the weeks are punctuated into the smaller increments of days; I will be here with him to help him climb stairs, make his bed a little more comfortable, and snuggle with him a little more until the “forward” command is no longer a prompting of movement, but permission to move on without him.  I must grow up and walk on my own, taking along the many beautiful memories I have had with him. 

But this was not the topic, I wanted to write about, though losing Denver has recently consumed many of my thoughts, tears, and emotions.  I can only hope that God knows that my heart contains boundless prayers of thankfulness for Denver being provided to me as such a loyal, faithful, and strong guide.   I have been honored to know that I shared time, space, and life with such an intelligent, compassionate, and yes even opinionated dog. 

For many of you who have been keeping up, I wanted to use this little space on the web to share what I’ve been learning spiritually.  Not to say that I’ll learn everything in this thing we call a Christian life.  But there are some experiences or milestones that serve as clear markers for teaching, growth, correction, and encouragement that points back to home base which is God’s Word and truthfulness.  (2 Timothy 3:16-17). 

Have you ever felt you were doing something which would be considered good, but have it turned on its head and become a lesson in humbleness and pride?  Well, for just a few moments, this is the topic for the day.  I attend a great church for young adults in the Maryland area.  Being that we are in an incredible phase of life with little responsibility, there are so many chances to hang out and relish a sort of prolonged adolescence.  Recently, there was a social event that had a little monetary cost in order to participate.  Growing up with a family on a minimal income, I now realize how much $10 here and $15 there can create a barrier for some.  God has blessed me for a time to be able to enjoy these types of events without concern for expense.  And I now have the ability to help others.  So my heart was set, I wanted to help another church member come along and participate and not let financial reasons prevent them from being included.  Just from my own journey in life, I didn’t have many opportunities to interact with my peers on a social level.  Knowing what it meant to me and my spiritual growth to be able to go skating or hiking with other believers, I wanted to pay it forward. 

So I had in mind who I wanted to help, but wanted to do it anonymously.  So I asked the organizers if this particular person was attending.  They weren’t able to confirm at the time, but indicated that there was someone else who wanted to attend and inquired whether I’d be interested in donating towards that other person.  Now the mature Christian response should have been “YES!”  But in my heart, my thoughts were racing as to whether this other person was truly in need, or worthy, or why should I give towards “that” person.  I was basically sizing this individual up, creating a criteria for my giving, and determined that I knew better than God who should or should not be included.  Now all of this is happening internally, but as one who should never play poker, all of those thoughts were conveyed in my facial expression.  It conveyed what was in my heart; judgment, an incredibly horrible response to a need. 

If God places it in my heart to give, to love, to care, or to share, why do I need to have any input into how that should be directed?  After all, isn’t He the one who sees all, knows all, and ultimately loves all.  My judgment has little place in the act of giving.  Though, it was shocking to me how my sinful nature can still creep in even when attempting to do what is good.  I guess that’s why our acts of love, care, service, and sharing are ultimately imperfect.  But I am able to rest in knowing that God knows my heart, has seen the progress I’ve made, and knows and is able to complete the good work He has started in me.  So while my actions are flawed, my intentions are becoming and are being refined to reflect Christ’ love as time passes on.  And more importantly, I am thankful at knowing that there were probably many who have responded to a need I had without judging, assessing, or directing their response to that need.  They just stepped out with faith, allowed God to work through their gifts, and were willing to be used by God in the manner that He prompted. 

So as far as witty closing comments go for this particular topic, lemme think and it’ll be one in the next post.