Any Additional Comments?
I want to thank everyone who has been kind, welcoming, excited, and curious about this journey that I’m embarking on. Some of my closest friends have known for some time that I’ve been deeply desiring a child and wasn’t sure how that was going to happen given that I’m single. But I know there’s a number of people who’ve found it to be a big shock. After reaching 30, something psychologically and/or biologically happened. My thoughts shifted from tolerance to a deep embrace at the idea of having a child of my own.
So the question becomes how does a single woman begin to build a family? Can she even have a family? Can this also apply to single men who’ve never married? But since I’m a woman, I’ll keep my questions narrow for now.
Let’s start off by saying that which ever path a child comes into this earth either intention or without thought, I firmly believe that it is a beautiful thing and that child’s life is valuable and awesome. And God is aware and a part of every aspect of it from conception to delivery. For a number of years, my hope and prayer is that my own personal desires more closely aligns with that of God’s. So if I’m not married and not in a committed married relationship, I’m going to need some help with this.
So I set out to find out how. I started noticing more radio commercials about a local fertility center that ran commercials for a number of years, but I just subconsciously ignored because fertility is only meant for married or committed couples seeking assistance with conceiving. Not single people. But after meeting a Labradoodle who would fling himself on a gate in excitement after meeting Angie, I met another single woman who chose this route to begin her family story. I know she probably thought I was an investigative reporter, but she openly shared her story and journey with me. So one look at the website, I found that they do in fact serve single women and even offer support groups for this specific population. So as I found more freedom in just sharing my desire, more friends made connections with old friends who had gone down this journey as single women.
In March, I had my initial consultation with a very nice doctor who seemed comfortable in discussing birth options for me. This was refreshing since I had received fairly opinionated responses from medical professionals that seemed to cast a huge amount of doubt on a blind woman’s ability to adequately raise a child. I am thankful to have known some incredible blind women who are doing the parenting thing with grace, boldness, and confidence. So what ever aspect of raising a child that is specific to blindness, I know that I have a huge and boundless network of blind friends who have charted out solutions long before I even dreamed of having my own.
But as we discussed the options that fertility technology affords me at a hefty price, a question came up that kind of stumped me for a while. She asked whether my blindness was congenital and genetic. My form of cataracts is and based on her feedback, there is technology now that allows a geneticist or specialist to identify specific embryos that carry the gene and select ones that do not for implantation. While this is fascinating and shockingly pricey, it was unsettling that I could have the ability to choose whether my child would be born blind or not. To me, it felt uncomfortably close to what I believe is the role of God. And if my child is indeed blind, I would still be a proud mom. I already have a continuous supply of Children’s Braille books on my door step thanks to the local library for the blind!
Over time and after doing more soul searching, I kept landing on the question of why create another life when there is a life out there who could benefit from a home I could offer. If I am single, why not offer my stage of singleness as a gift to child seeking adoption. On the more practical side, my mother had significant challenges to the pregnancies she had prior to me being born and I am concerned that I would experience the same, which fertility does not guarantee. Also, fertility is a significant investment venture with prices ranging into the $10,000 starting out. The costs are incrementally more expensive for single women because most insurance providers consider fertility benefits to be only available to married couples officially diagnosed as being infertile. So as I let go of that as the route leading to a child, I sought out more info on adoption.
Stopping here for a moment, I think my conclusion that fertility was not the most optimum choice for me was something I had to come to on my own. And wherever anyone else lands in their own decision whether using fertility, adoption, or not should be honored and respected as their choice.
So that’s where we are now with feeling my braille cursor blink on an application for a domestic infant adoption. I searched various agencies in the area, talked with new friends who have adopted multiple children, and interviewed staff. So now I am sitting here with this blinking cursor on the box that asks “Any additional comments?” Since my interactions with the agencies have been through phone or virtually, the issue becomes when do I share that I am blind? Unlike fertility where my ovaries and my bank account determine whether I have a child, I now openly give up control and allow others to select me as a potential adoptive parent. Will they see me as qualified? Am I too non-traditional that no one will select me? So what do I share?
Do I share that I’ve known that I’ve wanted to adopt since I was a young child?
Do I share that I have dreamed of raising a little boy named Kaleb? And his name represents a servant who was faithful to God’s word as he was one of the scouts seeking out the Promised Land in the book of Exodus. And I wanted a child in that namesake.
Do I also share that I’ve been on a nearly three year journey of research on how this could possibly work?
Now that I’ve clicked submit, my payment has been processed, I have a glimmer of ease knowing that at least for now, my application has been approved! Now I move on to the next stage which is the home study.
So the question becomes how does a single woman begin to build a family? Can she even have a family? Can this also apply to single men who’ve never married? But since I’m a woman, I’ll keep my questions narrow for now.
Let’s start off by saying that which ever path a child comes into this earth either intention or without thought, I firmly believe that it is a beautiful thing and that child’s life is valuable and awesome. And God is aware and a part of every aspect of it from conception to delivery. For a number of years, my hope and prayer is that my own personal desires more closely aligns with that of God’s. So if I’m not married and not in a committed married relationship, I’m going to need some help with this.
So I set out to find out how. I started noticing more radio commercials about a local fertility center that ran commercials for a number of years, but I just subconsciously ignored because fertility is only meant for married or committed couples seeking assistance with conceiving. Not single people. But after meeting a Labradoodle who would fling himself on a gate in excitement after meeting Angie, I met another single woman who chose this route to begin her family story. I know she probably thought I was an investigative reporter, but she openly shared her story and journey with me. So one look at the website, I found that they do in fact serve single women and even offer support groups for this specific population. So as I found more freedom in just sharing my desire, more friends made connections with old friends who had gone down this journey as single women.
In March, I had my initial consultation with a very nice doctor who seemed comfortable in discussing birth options for me. This was refreshing since I had received fairly opinionated responses from medical professionals that seemed to cast a huge amount of doubt on a blind woman’s ability to adequately raise a child. I am thankful to have known some incredible blind women who are doing the parenting thing with grace, boldness, and confidence. So what ever aspect of raising a child that is specific to blindness, I know that I have a huge and boundless network of blind friends who have charted out solutions long before I even dreamed of having my own.
But as we discussed the options that fertility technology affords me at a hefty price, a question came up that kind of stumped me for a while. She asked whether my blindness was congenital and genetic. My form of cataracts is and based on her feedback, there is technology now that allows a geneticist or specialist to identify specific embryos that carry the gene and select ones that do not for implantation. While this is fascinating and shockingly pricey, it was unsettling that I could have the ability to choose whether my child would be born blind or not. To me, it felt uncomfortably close to what I believe is the role of God. And if my child is indeed blind, I would still be a proud mom. I already have a continuous supply of Children’s Braille books on my door step thanks to the local library for the blind!
Over time and after doing more soul searching, I kept landing on the question of why create another life when there is a life out there who could benefit from a home I could offer. If I am single, why not offer my stage of singleness as a gift to child seeking adoption. On the more practical side, my mother had significant challenges to the pregnancies she had prior to me being born and I am concerned that I would experience the same, which fertility does not guarantee. Also, fertility is a significant investment venture with prices ranging into the $10,000 starting out. The costs are incrementally more expensive for single women because most insurance providers consider fertility benefits to be only available to married couples officially diagnosed as being infertile. So as I let go of that as the route leading to a child, I sought out more info on adoption.
Stopping here for a moment, I think my conclusion that fertility was not the most optimum choice for me was something I had to come to on my own. And wherever anyone else lands in their own decision whether using fertility, adoption, or not should be honored and respected as their choice.
So that’s where we are now with feeling my braille cursor blink on an application for a domestic infant adoption. I searched various agencies in the area, talked with new friends who have adopted multiple children, and interviewed staff. So now I am sitting here with this blinking cursor on the box that asks “Any additional comments?” Since my interactions with the agencies have been through phone or virtually, the issue becomes when do I share that I am blind? Unlike fertility where my ovaries and my bank account determine whether I have a child, I now openly give up control and allow others to select me as a potential adoptive parent. Will they see me as qualified? Am I too non-traditional that no one will select me? So what do I share?
Do I share that I’ve known that I’ve wanted to adopt since I was a young child?
Do I share that I have dreamed of raising a little boy named Kaleb? And his name represents a servant who was faithful to God’s word as he was one of the scouts seeking out the Promised Land in the book of Exodus. And I wanted a child in that namesake.
Do I also share that I’ve been on a nearly three year journey of research on how this could possibly work?
Now that I’ve clicked submit, my payment has been processed, I have a glimmer of ease knowing that at least for now, my application has been approved! Now I move on to the next stage which is the home study.
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