Well Adjusted
One of the aspects of adoption and as part of the vetting process, the adoption agency takes in the perspectives of various individuals that surround you as an individual. This includes what you share in the application and autobiography, references from friends and family, the FBI, the social worker who visits you on multiple occasions, and also your physician. This can be really anxiety inducing because you are opening yourself up to critical evaluation as to your suitability to be a parent. It’s more than just the willing partner who you choose to lay with for sex and just so happen to make a child in the process. It’s an incredibly thoughtful process. And it is as it should be when considering that we are choosing to be responsible for the most vulnerable among us, which are children.
As I went through the process to discover what path I would take to be united with a child, I came across various opinions about what raising a child would be like as someone with a disability. As I have moved along in this process, I have swayed from moments of pure peace in knowing that I am stepping out with faith in something I felt I was called for and then there’s moments of panic that washes over me as I think about the weight of what I am stepping into. Friends have shared that this is normal as they began their own journey to become mothers and parents.
But when the opinions come from medical professionals, those opinions carry an extra layer of doubt. I have been thankful to meet countless of men and women who are blind and who have various types of disabilities who are incredible parents to children with and without disabilities. But there are real stories out there where a medical professional’s lack of knowledge as to how people with disabilities can successfully parent throws a cloud of doubt that becomes more difficult to overcome due to their credentials, I was extremely hesitant when I realized that on the application I would be required to provide information from my doctor. My physician has provided excellent care for me in managing and improving the symptoms I experience with anemia, endometriosis, PCOS, and was open when I shared that I felt that I was experiencing something more than just momentary sadness but more like depression. So I feel confident that I am receiving good care. But as I shared that I wanted to start a family, I was shocked when opinions different from what is real for most people with disabilities came to light, it was difficult. I questioned whether I should change doctors based on that one conversation. I questioned how my doctor really saw me and what I am capable of. Now having a background in human resources, specifically the dark side of human resources, I feel a certain level of respect for someone who can credibly share constructive feedback whether it is related to health, performance, or something else. So as I open myself to this process, I value honesty and transparency from those who are invited to share input. With that in mind, I went ahead and asked my physician to complete the requested form from the adoption agency.
Last week, I picked up my completed paperwork and took a moment to look at what was written. As I moved through the various listing of medications, vital signs, I hesitated as I got to the additional comments section. Among other things on how I navigate life, it read “patient is well adjusted….” Even though it was very clinical in nature, a huge sense of relief came over me.
In the autobiography there is a section where you are asked to describe your medical background and also your experience with mental health. While I was proud to share that I have been active in managing and controlling high blood pressure with consistent exercise, medication, and learning mindful eating habits. It took a lot to be transparent with sharing what I do to manage mild depression. I felt a sense of conflict between wanting to hide this particular diagnosis because it carries so much stigma within the communities of color but also within the faith community which tends to lean towards only praying your way through seasons of depression. But I wanted to be consistent in what I have shared with countless of people who sat with me as they sought guidance on employment rights and resources for those with physical and psychological related disabilities. I wanted to be transparent in who I am. Through the strength and encouragement from close friends, a few years back I began to take charge of my own mental and emotional health by seeking the support of a therapist, developing a self-care plan that includes workouts, through utilizing the support of an antidepressant, intentional time with good friends, and faith that holds solidly to the idea that mental health is real and it’s something that God cares about as well. I had to confront the fact that I was holding on to a stigma that was only keeping me away from receiving good systems of support. And that idea of systems of support is what I am realizing is going to be pivotal as I am navigating this process. I must ensure that I am “well-adjusted” in all aspects of my life and have a solid system of support for each of those areas – emotional, relational, financial, spiritual, physical, and psychological. This will be incredibly true as I will be responsible for and caring about those same aspects for a child.
At some point, I’ll share more about the mental health part of life, but what I want to end with is that I have found a sense of comfort in finding resources that help to keep me healthy as a whole person and those resources should be accessible and welcoming to many others who are ready to seek that out for themselves.
As I went through the process to discover what path I would take to be united with a child, I came across various opinions about what raising a child would be like as someone with a disability. As I have moved along in this process, I have swayed from moments of pure peace in knowing that I am stepping out with faith in something I felt I was called for and then there’s moments of panic that washes over me as I think about the weight of what I am stepping into. Friends have shared that this is normal as they began their own journey to become mothers and parents.
But when the opinions come from medical professionals, those opinions carry an extra layer of doubt. I have been thankful to meet countless of men and women who are blind and who have various types of disabilities who are incredible parents to children with and without disabilities. But there are real stories out there where a medical professional’s lack of knowledge as to how people with disabilities can successfully parent throws a cloud of doubt that becomes more difficult to overcome due to their credentials, I was extremely hesitant when I realized that on the application I would be required to provide information from my doctor. My physician has provided excellent care for me in managing and improving the symptoms I experience with anemia, endometriosis, PCOS, and was open when I shared that I felt that I was experiencing something more than just momentary sadness but more like depression. So I feel confident that I am receiving good care. But as I shared that I wanted to start a family, I was shocked when opinions different from what is real for most people with disabilities came to light, it was difficult. I questioned whether I should change doctors based on that one conversation. I questioned how my doctor really saw me and what I am capable of. Now having a background in human resources, specifically the dark side of human resources, I feel a certain level of respect for someone who can credibly share constructive feedback whether it is related to health, performance, or something else. So as I open myself to this process, I value honesty and transparency from those who are invited to share input. With that in mind, I went ahead and asked my physician to complete the requested form from the adoption agency.
Last week, I picked up my completed paperwork and took a moment to look at what was written. As I moved through the various listing of medications, vital signs, I hesitated as I got to the additional comments section. Among other things on how I navigate life, it read “patient is well adjusted….” Even though it was very clinical in nature, a huge sense of relief came over me.
In the autobiography there is a section where you are asked to describe your medical background and also your experience with mental health. While I was proud to share that I have been active in managing and controlling high blood pressure with consistent exercise, medication, and learning mindful eating habits. It took a lot to be transparent with sharing what I do to manage mild depression. I felt a sense of conflict between wanting to hide this particular diagnosis because it carries so much stigma within the communities of color but also within the faith community which tends to lean towards only praying your way through seasons of depression. But I wanted to be consistent in what I have shared with countless of people who sat with me as they sought guidance on employment rights and resources for those with physical and psychological related disabilities. I wanted to be transparent in who I am. Through the strength and encouragement from close friends, a few years back I began to take charge of my own mental and emotional health by seeking the support of a therapist, developing a self-care plan that includes workouts, through utilizing the support of an antidepressant, intentional time with good friends, and faith that holds solidly to the idea that mental health is real and it’s something that God cares about as well. I had to confront the fact that I was holding on to a stigma that was only keeping me away from receiving good systems of support. And that idea of systems of support is what I am realizing is going to be pivotal as I am navigating this process. I must ensure that I am “well-adjusted” in all aspects of my life and have a solid system of support for each of those areas – emotional, relational, financial, spiritual, physical, and psychological. This will be incredibly true as I will be responsible for and caring about those same aspects for a child.
At some point, I’ll share more about the mental health part of life, but what I want to end with is that I have found a sense of comfort in finding resources that help to keep me healthy as a whole person and those resources should be accessible and welcoming to many others who are ready to seek that out for themselves.
Comments
Post a Comment